Maurice Bailey

Hello everyone, my name is Maurice, but all my friends call me Buddha. If you look at my profile picture you’ll immediately see why. No, not the one with creepy-ass grin (that’s my Violator impression!), the one with me smiling like I’m a happy-go-lucky cornball without a care in the world. You wouldn’t know it by looking at me, but beyond that serene, wise visage lurks the mind of a cold, calculating… goofball. 😉

Not only do I look the part, I’m actually zen about my life. It sucks that I’ve been locked up for 20 years, but I make the best of my situation. I know I made some colossal mistakes when I was younger, most of them culminating in my incarceration, but I can’t change what happened then, I can only focus on now. I don’t want to be miserable, so I don’t allow myself to be miserable. Instead, I focus on the most important part of my life, both in here and out there: my family. I don’t have a large biological family, but the few people who have come into my life and become part of my family are most special to me than gold, or coffee. Maybe even more important to me than The Axe of the Dwarvish Lords. Maybe.

I spend my time watching football, wrestling and shows that address the most profound and deeply-touching roots of our collective soul – like American Dad, Family Guy, and Futurama. All the most important lessons in my life came from this Holy Trinity. Except the One Hundred Peasant Rule that I learned the hard way in Faerun. I’m an avid RPG gamer (Forgotten Realms, Pathfinder and Starfinder in particular), and – fair warning – I am a habitual offender of the worst kind of jokes: bad puns. If it weren’t for the fact that I outweigh all of my friends in here, they probably would have buried me under the pun-itentiary long before now.

Other than that, the only really pertinent thing you need to know about me are:
1- The Wheel of Time & The Sword of Truth series are the best things ever written;
2- The Crow is the best movie ever made;
3- Coffee is the vital force that keeps the world running;
4- If you recognize my Violator impression, you should DEFINITELY write to me! (hint: “every time someone farts, a demon gets its wings. Heh, twins!”)
And…
5 – *sing-song voice* It’s fun being weird, it’s fun being weird, it’s fun being weird – you should try it sometime!

I’ve tried the pen pal thing four times before this and they didn’t go well. The first time I didn’t try as hard as I should have. I got only a couple of responses from the second attempt, got catfished on the third site and scammed on the fourth. If it weren’t for my Brother putting his foot in my prodigious ass, I don’t think I would have had the courage to try this again. But being alone is worse than trying and failing.

I’m just a weirdo looking for other weirdos who have room in their lives for me. I’m a good person on the far side of weird who thinks your life will be better with me in it. And if you’ve read this far, you’re my kind of weird 😉

Talk to you soon!

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• Incarcerated Since: 2001
• Sentence Received: Life + 35 years (Life Without Parole)
• Earliest Release: N/A

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